by Kelly Pellico

I’ve spent 148,628* hours reading, studying, and writing picture book manuscripts. I’ve scoured library shelves and listened to an endless stream of craft advice through podcasts, webinars, classes, and conferences. And . . .

(Insert suspenseful page turn)

. . . I have nothing to show for it. I’m unagented and unpublished.

Sure, I read my stories to my children. But a Word doc does little to capture imagination the way a finished, illustrated book does.

As I write, I have one inner voice that gently whispers, “This is what you’re meant to do. Keep going.” (I’ve even got a mug for that.) A second inner voice loudly declares, “You’re on a fool’s errand!”

Should this end as nothing but a hobby, I’ve perhaps chosen the silliest one. Writing picture book text is telling only half the story. It’s never complete. If I’d chosen knitting, I would have a whole scarf. And that scarf would exist in the world, providing comfort and warmth on a chilly day.

I know what you’re all thinking. The KidLit community is nothing if not supportive, and I hear your whispers too: “Repeat after me . . . I think I can, I think I can, I think I can . . .”

But, I’m opting to listen to the booming declaration. I’m choosing to embrace writing as a fool’s errand.

Why would I be so foolish? Because if publishing were a picture book, it would have this refrain: It’s tough out there, so you need to enjoy the journey. And while I do enjoy it, I’ve always envisioned that journey having a final destination. I’ve imagined children opening one of my books and finding warmth and laughter in its pages.

Yet if my manuscripts never see the light of day, it’s important to still have clarity on why I write. It’s important to find meaning that exists without achievement.

By embracing writing as a fool’s errand, I gave myself freedom to reframe my “why.” Here’s how it went . . .

Like a poorly written first draft, the first “why” I came up with was that I love learning. In my professional career, I learn because I have to. With writing, I learn because I want to. I want to learn how to develop a quirky, flawed heroine. I want to learn how to utilize page turns to deliver a comedic punch. I want to learn how to write an ending that is somehow both surprising and inevitable. Writing picture books is a five thousand-piece puzzle I want to solve.

The next “why” I came up with was the delight of tapping into my inner child. I’m endlessly inspired by the innocence, curiosity, and uninhibited joy of my daughters. With this “why” the blank page becomes my playground. And how fun it is to play!

This “why” was better but still wasn’t THE “why.” Then I saw it . . .

A poster hung at my local indie bookstore:

“A bookstore is larger than the universe.
After all, the universe only contains what IS.”

– from Notes from a Public Typewriter
edited by Michael Gustafson and Oliver Uberti

There it was. My why.

When we write, we share the beauty of the world with others. But we also embrace a world where anything is possible and everything is exciting. We imagine a world where an apple tree growing from your belly is a real and exciting possibility. We breathe life into inanimate objects and create whole new worlds. What joy to think beyond what IS.

Yes, I will continue to hope that my books will one day exist in this world, providing comfort and warmth on a chilly day. But I will also write each day with gratitude for what writing gives me—the freedom to imagine what doesn’t exist.

As you carry on with your own writing journey, what have you found to be your “why”?

*Entirely made-up number because I’ve learned absurd specificity is funnier than, say, “countless.”

Editor’s Note: Between the time this article was submitted to Kite Tales and the post date, the author received and accepted an offer of representation. Congratulations to Kelly, and best wishes for continued success on her errand.

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Kelly Pellico is a brand marketer who has written extensively for adult audiences. But her dream is to write for children. Kelly is an active member of SCBWI as well as a member of Julie Hedlund’s 12×12 Picture Book Challenge. When not writing, Kelly can be found smothering her children and begging them not to grow too quickly.

Photos courtesy of Kelly Pellico